Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My Favorite Game
Motivation is as difficult for me as heavy lifting for other people. I can't seem to find my way out of the morass at times. I wish I could. Procrastination is the name of my favorite game of self-sabotage. I've been playing it since I was a kid, and I've nearly perfected it.

I do not do those things which I know I need to do if they are unpleasant tasks. I have a pair of refrigerators sitting in my kitchen right now, one waiting to be cleaned, the other waiting to be emptied. I don't suppose the dishrag fairy is going to come along anytime soon to wash the new fridge so I can transfer over my food, but it's something I hate doing, so I'm simply avoiding the task. Even writing this post is a clear avoidance mechanism.

I chose to go ahead and write, though, in the hopes that maybe putting my thoughts down here will help me find a way through the labyrinth that is my mind. The guilt that comes from NOT doing what I need to do, even coupled with the satisfaction of a job well done and complete, is insufficient motivation for me to get up and go do it.

At most I do these jobs in chunks. I wish I understood why they prey on my mind so much. Is my entire life merely the pursuit of some kind of pleasure? I hope not, but I rather fear it is, and that makes me sad. I don't know how to change that.


Sthnbelle said...

Procrastination is my favorite game, too. I need a magic wand to smack me upside the head to get some things done, but until that happens, know you're not the only one!! (And if it DOES happen, I'll send you the magic wand when I'm done with it!) ;)

crossgirl said...

Add me to the procrastinators club. I've found that small chunks is the only way I get anything done, albeit, it sometimes takes, literally, years to complete something without a deadline.

Try focusing on the things you DO accomplish and take pride and joy in those. Some days that list for me is very short, but even three things accomplished is better than nothing and I don't mean BIG things, I mean, hey, I got the dishes put away, a load of laundry in and scrubbed a toilet. Yay me!! You'll eventually get to the fridge. There's no fridge emergency that says you have to do it in any particular time frame.

DeskDiva said...

I'll add you later. We're still working on last year's roster.