Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I'm Not Overweight, I'm Undertall
Some time ago I calculated my BMI index and figured out the extra weight that I'm carrying with me. Then I figured out how that weight measures out in terms of a person. Currently, I'm a 5'4" woman carrying an average 6'4" man on top of my body. To be sized appropriately at this weight, I'd have to be over 8 feet tall.

My friend Jeff (pictured below) makes a PERFECT foil for this because he's EXACTLY an average-sized 6'4" man. It's disheartening and humiliating to admit this in public.

I learned a couple of weeks ago that I now weigh 2 pounds more than I did when I went in for rehab 2 years ago, so I'm at my max weight this minute. BUT - today is the new day, Jan (my therapist) is my company clerk and Paula (my nutritionist) is my aide-de-camp. I also have Kori (my group therapist), my group, and my blogits as cheerleaders.

My goal is to make myself more conscious of every choice that I make. If, for instance, I'm buying lunch, I will say out loud to myself, "I am choosing the chicken salad because it's better for me and fits my program, even though I really want the artichoke casserole." Or, conversely, "I have had a bad day and I want to binge on McDonald's burgers and fries." I have found that speaking my choices out loud - positive or negative - makes me more aware of that particular moment. For now, that's part of the plan.

Also, I need to figure out some rewards for good behavior. If you have any suggestions, please send them along. Paula will be sending me a list of rewards that folks have given themselves when she finds it. I'll post it here for all of us!


FuckED said...

A tall glass of mildly chilled Yellowtail Chardonnay is my favorite reward. Good job, Whitney--reward NOT acting on your eating disorder by DRINKING! You're such a bright girl! Ha ha.

Um. Pedicures--but I hate people touching my feet and you might feel that way. Vacations are nice long term rewards. I'd say buying yourself something but that might turn into a compulsion (don't you love how I have to watch everything I say). Fuck it. Go with the Chardonnay. If you have enough, you eventually don't have to think about ED at all. You can just be blissful in your unhappy little suckass world (meaning, mine, not yours!). SHutting up now.
PS reading this made me REALLY miss how supportive Paula is. Emily kicks ass though. She's amazing.

Kristina said...


Well, how about books, CD's, DVD's?